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CORNELLA | What Your Favorite TV Shows Would Look Like Today

Stars: They’re just like us! There’s something comforting in knowing that I’m not the only one who has to stay home and at a six feet distance. Just knowing that everyone else is having to do the same exact thing makes the situation more bearable — and I mean everyone. Now if I ever run into Justin Bieber or Beyoncé we will actually have something in common that I can use as a conversation starter. That definitely makes weeks long of quarantine worth it. And while I am happy to know that John Krasinski, Jennifer Aniston and Sarah Jessica Parker are experiencing all the same things that I am, I would definitely find more solace in knowing Jim Halpert, Rachel Geller and Carrie Bradshaw were as well.

So, here are your favorite TV friends and what they would be up to today:

THE OFFICE

Offices all over Scranton are shut down as Pennsylvania follows strict stay at home orders. At first, Jim and Pam are excited to have more alone time and definitely don’t think they’ll miss anything — or anyone — from the office. But they soon find that working at home while you have two young kids can make you miss things you didn’t think you would. 

Like Dwight! Dwight and Moes are cooped up together on their farm where Dwight thinks he has made a superior beet that acts as a vaccine and ships it to Michael everyday. Michael seems to think “social distancing” and a “global pandemic” is a lame excuse his friends keep using to dodge plans, so he still calls Ryan everyday to hang out. Ryan left town the minute he heard what was happening and hasn’t been heard from since. Of course, Kelly thinks he hasn’t been responding because the virus got him and has been mourning for weeks. Thankfully, the homemade masks that she and the rest of the gang have received from Phyllis cheer her up a little. 

Stanley doesn’t need any cheering up because he went into retirement and left for Florida the day the office shut down, although Florida isn’t far enough to escape Oscar’s angry daily tweets blaming Trump for the coronavirus. At least Kevin responds to his tweets everyday — that is, if you count “Coronavirus ended, silly! We only have to worry about COVID-19 now” a response. Angela has given up explaining the situation to Kevin and moved on to buying out every mask and bottle of hand sanitizer in Scranton, for her cats’ safety, of course. Meredith hasn’t bought any supplies yet because she’s been too busy not social distancing. Even though Toby has been socially distancing and following every other government stated order perfectly, someone told the police that he has been “going into parks and sneezing on kids”. Now he’s quarantining from a jail cell. At least he gets one call a day, which always gets used on Pam. However, no one’s heard from —Creed since he left for China about five months ago…

And lastly, Andy Bernard has been impatiently refreshing his news feed everyday, waiting to see when his favorite place on earth — Cornell University — plans on reopening! (sound familiar?)

FRIENDS

The coronavirus only became a reality to the Friends gang once they saw Central Perk had shut down and suddenly realized how much time they seemed to spend sitting at a coffee shop. It’s hard to tell what’s worse right now — living alone and slowly losing your mind, or living with others, and slowly starting to wish you were alone… 

Both are perfectly normal ways to feel, and even best friends Rachel and Monica are starting to see that. Monica’s incessant cleaning habits have only worsened. Even though no one has been in or out of their apartment, that hasn’t stopped her from continuously scrubbing down every single inch of her apartment. Rachel’s at least grateful to be quarantined with a chef and fed gourmet meals everyday. Then again, just as Rachel doesn’t understand Monica’s Clorox addiction, Monica doesn’t understand why Rachel sits around the apartment in a Chanel dress and Prada pumps — has she not heard sweatpants are the national new attire!? 

Chandler and Joey haven’t really experienced any change … Needless to say, they haven’t gotten up from their La-Z-Boy chairs in weeks. With pizza delivery, an endless supply of beers and a full season of Baywatch on their DVR, life is good. That is, of course, until Joey suddenly realizes that social distancing means no dating … 

Ross calls his friends (and mom) everyday, half because he’s starting to feel lonely and half because he wants to make sure they know they have a doctor as a friend in case they have any questions. Monica, Rachel, and Chandler have to remind him that paleontology is not epidemiology. Joey doesn’t really know what either of those words mean but has been giggling ever since he heard the rumor that this whole thing started after someone and a bat … got it on. While most of the gang have lost their jobs and money is starting to get tight, Phoebe’s new hit single “Smelly Bat” has landed her millions and she’s happy to share the wealth! 

SEX AND THE CITY 

No one has been feeling the effects of the stay-at-home orders more than Carrie, Miranda, Charlotte and Samantha. After all, the show is named Sex and the City — one of those things has been completely shut down, and unless you’re quarantined with a significant other, the other one is off the table. So, how is the gang surviving? 

Miranda’s law practice is busier than ever so she has now turned every inch of her apartment into an office, and isn’t complaining about it either. Steve, on the other hand, has nothing to do since his bar shut down. And, well, let’s just say Carrie has to call Miranda every night around 7 p.m. to make sure she hasn’t jumped out her window yet. 

Charlotte has called a few times too but won’t listen to a second of Miranda’s complaints about being quarantined with Steve when she’s stuck in her penthouse all alone. I guess not all alone — Charlotte has managed to set up Zoom dates every night with a suitable man. After all, she thinks online dating is even more romantic because getting to know each other is what love really is about. Of course, that’s when Samantha has to hang up the phone, because we all know what she thinks love is really about … 

While most New Yorkers are struggling to make ends meet, Samantha has made thousands off of her new website that showcases, well, all the things she would be doing with men if she could only have one her bed. Everyday she gets more and more views — and more and more lectures from Charlotte on how “unladylike” the business is. At least Carrie thinks it’s a great way to make money, and she isn’t doing too bad herself, since her blog has only become more popular. If only she had something to spend the money on … All the stress of the pandemic and she can’t even take a trip to 5th Avenue to sweat it out. Shopping is her cardio after all!

So Cornellians, there’s no reason to feel alone; everyone, and I mean everyone is in this together!

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