September 27, 2016


Print More

Dear Undecided Voter,

Hey, I hope you’re doing well.  I am not going to make this too long, because I get it, we’re all busy people.  I just want to have a little chat.

This is for all of you citizens out there who still haven’t made the ultimate choice: Trump or Clinton?  You have your different reasons — some of you view yourselves as “independents” and would rather vote third party, some of you are just postponing what you perceive to be a choice between the “lesser of two evils” and some of you just feel so frustrated with our democracy and the way that this presidential election season has unfolded that you aren’t going to vote at all.

You see, most of the country by now has made up their mind in this election, and we’ve reached a deadlock.  The most recent polls are favoring either Trump or Clinton by margins so narrow they typically fall within range of the poll’s margin of error.  While at this point it’s anyone’s game, mostly everyone has fallen in line and rallied around their party.  Well, everyone except you.

It must make you feel pretty special, being the focus of the national spotlight every 4 years.  Maybe you crave this spotlight because you didn’t get enough attention as a child.  If that is the case, I am sorry, and I hope that being showered with all this attention now is doing something to fill that hole in your heart. Please know that I am writing this because I care about you, all of you.  I care about you because you are so important, especially if you live in one of those magical swing states.  Everyone knows your voices are the ones that will ultimately decide this election (thanks to the Electoral College).  So, my dear friend, we need to talk about how you will use your voice this election.

Let’s start with the Independent/third-party voter.  I really admire you guys, don’t get me wrong.  I love Independents! Bernie Sanders was an Independent in Congress, and he is so cool.  I get it; I see the appeal in bucking this rigid two-party system.  You see yourself as a special little subversive snowflake.  But you are also stressing me out and it isn’t okay. This election isn’t the time for a third-party vote.  Vote third-party locally, build a grassroots third-party movement and elect third-party representatives to the House and Senate, but don’t vote third-party in the Presidential election because it is truly a lost cause and you don’t want to be called a spoiler.  I’m going to deal out some tough love right now and you might not like it, but again, I do it because I care.

  1.         To the Jill Stein voter:  Listen.  Your girl is at 4%.  It just isn’t going to work out this time.  #JillNotHill is just ridiculous and counterproductive at this point.  You’re a liberal, I’m a liberal, let’s work together and elect the candidate running on the most progressive platform in the history of the Democratic Party.  That 4% margin could seal the deal for Hillary, okay? And you would get all of the credit! So cool.
  2.         To the Gary Johnson voter: Listen.  Your guy is at 8%.  It just isn’t going to work out this time.  I feel like a lot of you don’t even really understand what being Libertarian means.  If you were going to vote for Bernie and now you’re voting for Gary because you heard he smokes weed, please realize that he is basically just a Republican who smokes weed, and your actual political views are much more in line with Clinton’s platform.  If you are a conservative and just don’t want to vote for Trump, that’s so fine and I completely support you not voting for Trump, because he is terrible, but the best way to make sure that Trump isn’t elected is to take a cue from many top Republicans and vote for Clinton.

To my other undecided acquaintances embroiled in some sort of ethical dilemma: this election is not the choice between the lesser of two evils.  This election is a choice between one of the most intelligent and qualified candidates we have ever seen, and an incendiary orange megalomaniac.  I know, I know, “but what about the emails?” you ask.  Watch this John Oliver video.  He talks you through each candidate’s respective scandals.  You’ll find that, while Hillary’s dishonesty has been at worst kind of irritating, she isn’t the morally depraved lizard person we have made her out to be.  She has actually spent most of her time and energy fighting the good fight, and only a little bit of it slipping up and then making it look way worse than it actually was.  Trump, on the other hand, has spent most of his time and energy serving his own self-interest by taking advantage of hardworking people while also indulging in his beloved pastimes of being a flagrant liar, xenophobe, racist, sexist and overall scary dude.

So please.  Please please please.  You don’t have to decide today (although if you watched the first debate last night I am sure it swayed you at least a little bit and maybe you are ready to make a decision).  You have until November, so just mull it over, no rush.  But I do compel you to make that choice, to understand the immense power that has befallen you in this election as an undecided voter and to use that power for good.  I trust you to do the right thing.

Warm Regards,