I’m looking forward to the food. Every year for the Super Bowl, my dad throws a party for which he cooks massive amounts of food. It’s like Thanksgiving, only a million times better (no gross Thanksgiving foods you’re forced to eat out of obligation, no questions about your GPA, no family fights). I always make spicy chicken wing dip, my mom makes brownies and my dad makes two kinds of chili, shrimp and cocktail sauce, guacamole, three kinds of wings and whatever other fattening dishes he feels like making that year. Even now, I still go home every year for the Super Bowl — and I honestly couldn’t care less about football.
I’m looking forward to the competitive matchup between the two teams. When you get an unstoppable force against an immovable object, you get the Patriots’ #1 scoring D against the Falcons’ #1 scoring O, Tom Brady’s legendary Super Bowl record against Matt Ryan’s incredible record this season, Brady’s exceptional TD-INT ratio during the regular season against Ryan’s zero interceptions in the last six games, and, of course, the publicly favored Patriots against the Madden-favored Falcons.
I’m looking forward to watching football become great again. In this age of alternative facts, the many Gates (Deflate-, Spy-, Water-, etc.) seemed to have lost their clout. But alas, in such a deflating football playoff this season, with few close contests and even less excitement, we remember Shady Brady, whose coach Bill Belichick has also been under scrutiny many times in his career. Oh, they also both support Trump. With that, here’s a toast to Julio the hero and Matt the MVP, whom I look forward to watching raze the Patriots while I eat Tostitos and guac.
I’m looking forward to the Super Bowl ads. The only reason anyone watches the Super Bowl is not to see 300lb sweaty men tackle each other, but to see what kind of marketing schemes Viagra will try to pull, or to see the models Coca Cola recruits. After all, what’s more American than seeing companies spend millions of dollars for a 30 second slot on prime-time TV?
Everything is super about the Super Bowl. The event is a celebration of American athleticism, capitalism and patriotism. It’s a showdown of twenty-two armored men chasing after a pigskin ball in a Manichaean-style clash with a clear winner and loser. Millions of Americans are treated to million-dollar commercials featuring billion-dollar car and beer brands. It’s disturbing to see how one game can reveal so much about our society’s values and dreams. Or maybe it’s just a game.
I’m looking forward to hypothetically gambling on irrelevant aspects of the game. I don’t personally gamble, but one can bet money on literally everything about the Super Bowl, so I always like to make some predictions for fun. Will Levine Toilolo get more than 15.5 receiving yards? (Yes. I don’t know who this guy is, but I’ve got a good feeling about him.) Which color gatorade will be dumped on the winning coach? (Take red at 5/1 odds. First, all the girls on The Bachelor have been wearing red dresses, so the color is clearly in right now. Secondly, red is Trump’s color, and the Patriots’ quarterback and coach are high-key Trump supporters. Easy money.) The best thing about these prop bets is that they lead to people suddenly jumping out of their seats and cheering at random points during the game.
Also, Andrew, you didn’t answer the question.
I’m looking forward to so many things this weekend! Food, friends, a chance to take our minds off all the politics for a little while and watch some good old-fashioned commercials. It’s also always fun to watch two powerhouse QB’s go at it. I’m from the Bay Area, so this year I got to hop on the Raiders’ bandwagon and watch it crash and burn. Even though I don’t have any particular stake in this Super Bowl, though, I’ll always jump at any chance to tell people about how good the 49ers used to be.
The library will finally be empty!