“No, Donald Trump’s pledge of allegiance to Putin does not disqualify him from being President, and the fact that you would even suggest that, Anderson, is just another example of this media bias that we see all the time now.”
“I think Justin Bieber is the best alternative rock musician, period.”
“No one really cares about Trump’s Muslim registry besides the press, so we’re just going to go ahead and do it.”
“Mr. Trump has nominated me today to be his new Secretary of Propaganda. Despite vocal opposition from Marco Rubio, John McCain and Lindsey Graham, we’re pretty sure they’re all going to vote for it anyway.”
“General Mattis, execute Executive Order 66.”
“Apple pie is one of the most overrated pies in America. Frankly, it is undeserving of an Oscar and the fact that it is even being considered for one reflects such massive media bias. #makeblueberrygreatagain”
“Donald Trump’s ban on Muslims entering the United States will be great for the middle class and massively reduce trade deficits by ensuring that all American cloth products are made in America.”
Bruno Avritzer is a freshman in the College of Engineering. He enjoys playing video games and chess and reading One Piece on Thursdays. Nobody's Opinions appears with its highly varied content on Tuesdays this semester. He can be reached at email@example.com.