Sunspots (https://sunspots.cornellsun.com/author/zoekalos/)
No matter how hard I try, I’ll never be able to explain to you the intricacy of a razor. I don’t really want to, either. I figured out myself one night how to take it apart, how to free the blades, and it’s my secret. Its marks on my skin are also my secrets: the deep, linear slices from days I was just angry, a little lopsided from days I couldn’t stop shaking. Those were the beginning days, though.
It started with a whisper, that if that little extra fat disappeared from my body – from my stomach, from my thighs, from my arms, from my face – life might be just a little bit better. Then the whisper got a little louder. What if I no longer had to cover my body in baggy clothes and shy away from bright lights? Then it became a voice, at first a suggestive voice: maybe eat a little less at dinner? The suggestive voice was almost calling me to challenge it.