Sunspots (https://sunspots.cornellsun.com/category/life/page/4/)
One must still have cows within oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star. -Friedrich Nietzsche
Okay, so maybe that isn’t exactly how the quote goes. Maybe I’m grossly misrepresenting the intentions of good ol’ Friedster. Maybe I’m committing some kind of appalling literary vandalism that’ll get me blacklisted by any PhD program I might one day deign to apply to. Maybe I’m just illiterate, who’s to tell, really?
About a week ago, I watched this video:
And my goodness, did it make me think of Cornell. Anna Akana is a Youtuber, life guru, and mental health advocate who creates videos about relatable and relevant topics, as well as longer narrative films. In this particular video, she discusses how impossible it feels to be happy when it seems as if your whole world is on fire — a sentiment that many Cornellians share on a weekly basis. Here at Cornell, sometimes it feels as though there is only one viewpoint: negative. “Look at our government; what kind of world do we live in? Look at everyone getting internships and having their lives together; do I even belong?
In the past week I have napped an average of two hours per day, impulsively bought three sweaters that I cannot afford, practically inhaled Twizzlers and an entire sleeve of Oreos, and watched five of the raunchiest past episodes of The Bachelor, all while telling myself, “It’s called self care.”
Hindsight is 20/20 of course, and looking back I think my actions were probably the complete opposite of self care. In the moment, however, I was so encapsulated in my stress from prelim season that I allowed myself to do practically anything just because I have this extremely vague mantra to “affirm” my desires. And it doesn’t seem like I am alone in my quest for an excuse to treat myself. It seems as though social media’s mainstream idea of self care just feeds into a cycle of bad habits, and undermines the necessity of actually taking care of ourselves and our bodies, straying away from what the term was actually meant to accomplish. The term “self-care” originated as a medical concept, as a way for doctors to tell patients to treat themselves and lead healthy lifestyles.
‘Tis the season of campaign ads, mudslinging, robocalls, selfies of people with their “I Voted” stickers, and all of those other wonderful things that go along with election season. Let us all be grateful now that the ballots have been cast, and it’s over: our social media feeds can live in peace, for a moment. Surely, we have all been harassed to send in our absentee ballots, find our voting locations, and exercise the right that we have been given. I know some of my friends are sick and tired of hearing my not-so-subtle reminders that elections are important. Hopefully, before you vote in any election, you take the time to research the candidates, their background, and their qualifications.
There’s a time and a place for guilt. Most times it’s within reason—after doing something immoral, unethical, or unkind, it’s a necessary part of self-regulation that, without intention, keeps our emotions in check and subsequently provides a feedback mechanism for changing or continuing a behavior. Psychology Today assembled a short list of five types of guilt and how to cope with them. Interestingly, they preface with Freud’s psychodynamic theory of guilt and anxiety due to the repression of unconscious desires. With Freud in mind, the five types of guilt were listed as being: guilt for something you did, such as hurting someone physically or emotionally; guilt for something you didn’t do, but want to, such as having the desire to cheat on your partner; guilt for something you think you did, but didn’t, such as causing someone else’s misfortune by wishing it; guilt that you didn’t do enough to help others, including “compassion fatigue” which puts your own mental vitality at risk; and lastly, guilt that you’re doing better than someone else. These feelings of guilt are fairly common, but they’re rudimentary.
Confessions of a Serial Napper
It’s the end, beginning, or maybe smack dab in the middle of a very long day. You’re trying to do your work, but your eyes feel heavy and you begin to droop. Everything feels impossible, and you can’t even remember how to do something as basic as two plus two on your homework. Suddenly, out of the corner of your eye, you see it- the answer to all of your problems: Your bed. Sorry, I don’t mean to generalize, a nap can take place literally anywhere.
You know the feeling: Your friend just got an A in the class you got a B in, your roommate got an amazing paid internship over the summer, your best friend just got into a relationship. You want so badly to be completely happy for them because they deserve the best, but you just can’t. So why does your smile feel ingenuine, and why do the words, “I’m so happy for you!” sound sarcastic coming out of your mouth? Jealousy is a distressing human tendency, and no matter how hard we try to shove it down, it’ll always buzz in the back of our minds. It’s easy to dismiss the great accomplishments of less familiar people because we know less of their story, and the distance makes any jealous spike fade rather quickly.
Ezra Cornell was a farmer. He was a scientist, a philanthropist, a politician, and a lover of nature, but on top of all that, he was a farmer. Our founder, the Ezra Cornell, was a farmer. And today, 153 years after its founding, Cornell University is still partially inhabited by farmers. My father has always said to me “No matter what you do, you don’t ever forget where you came from.” It’s a given that each person on this campus is uniquely diverse: each person has their very own humble beginning, their very own backstory.
A nurse, dressed completely in navy-blue and gripping a clipboard, sprints down the hallway––in my direction, I assume. But my optimism proves short-lived, as she passes by my bed just as fast as I had gotten my hopes up. I roll my head back, eye the clock and then my dad, and let myself fall back onto the hospital cot. I should have kept my mouth shut. It’d been almost three hours since we arrived at the urgent care center, and I was more than ready to forget my incident and head home “untreated.” My parents, however, were far too determinedly overprotective and accustomed to long wait times to give in so easily, so we waited and waited among the others, weary and waiting, too.
Say it with me. Loud and proud.
As overachieving, hyper-competitive Cornellians, cultivating balance in our lives usually doesn’t make it to the top of our priority lists. Acing an organic chemistry prelim, for example, is usually associated with pulling a string of all-nighters rather than sleeping restfully or grabbing a great bite to eat with friends the night before. I’d like to dedicate this article to challenging the notion that balance gets in the way of professional success. On the contrary, I believe that a vibrant social life, self-care routine, and emphasis on both mental and physical health can lend itself to even better performance, and more importantly, to happiness.